Survivor's guilt - a social worker's guide to coping with Christmas
Published by Professional Social Work magazine, 13 December, 2022
Jingle smells
Children who are looked after and those that aren’t but have some intervention often feel guilty at Christmas. Guilty they are not with parents. Guilty they get presents. Guilty that they don’t get presents. Guilty they are happy. Guilty about having a social worker in their life at a time of perceived happiness and joy to the world when sometimes theirs isn’t.
Our job as care workers is to be like little elves spreading love, care, warmth and often cuddles. So increase your visits before Christmas and maybe ask around for charity donations (you’ll be surprised what you get). I once got three bikes which I took to a family of 12 children, Not my finest hour - I think it caused more Christmas tears than cheers.
At this time of year some social workers suffer from what Valent (2016) describes as “survivor guilt”. Guilty about why clients can be left in risky situations, why children are not having a Waitrose Christmas experience (other supermarkets are available). Our minds ponder as to why poverty exists, how the cost of living crisis impacts on our clients.
These structural inequalities cannot be controlled, but some aspects you can influence. For example, in 2001 I worked with a family who had no electricity, food and no cooker, which I remedied prior to Christmas using grants. There was a baby in that home I knew was at risk from neglect - what we would now call being on the ‘edge of care’ - but because of Christmas I had to take time out.
I worried about it during the whole festive period. But I had to remind myself I had flagged out of hours; my risk assessments were sound and my notes up-to-date. I had seen the baby before going on leave, and he was safe and warm with the power cards I had provided.
I said to myself, “It is only four days away from the office,” but on the 3 January I was back on that doorstep at 8am. He was fine.
We must ensure we don’t get lost in the “whys” and “what-ifs” of our job and focus on living our Christmas to the fullest, using all your self-care techniques and ensuring we have time for ourselves to take stock.
Taking stock (ings)
Christmas can actually be a good time of year for many job seekers, and if you don’t job search you'll likely miss some of those opportunities.
You may be afraid of changing jobs, and you should be. But is it better staying somewhere that is making you miserable? You might think ‘better the devil’, but in five Christmases you will still be there and still be miserable.
But I have a mortgage and commitments, I hear you say. All I am saying is ensure you find something meaningful; it is vital to have an ethic or vision for your life, a strategy, which is meaningful. Maybe use Christmas to think about what do I need to change, not to make me happy - that’s an arbitrary goal - but what tasks will get me to X destination? X might be a new manager, or to study something that inspires you. The media urges us to stuff food down our neck when in reality we should use this time when we have a decent gap to reflect. Alternatively, don’t listen to boring old me, eat, drink and dance on the table at the office party...
Silent night
Don’t just disappear. Tell clients you’re away and here’s a top tip: add an extra fake day either end of your holidays to give yourself some breathing space (but don’t tell them). This allows you time to recentre and plan, so you’re prepared when they do call you in the first week of January full of high expressed emotions, expectations and wanting a visit. Turn on your email ‘out of office,’ tell them to contact duty, and change your voice mail message, so people know you’re unreachable and when you’ll be back, again using my fake day tip.
Therefore, everyone’s expectations are aligned, and no one gets a nasty surprise. Of course, if they are on the child protection register or similar ignore this advice.
And another thing: never, ever, text a client back during Christmas. No matter how in need they are or how guilty you feel. Indeed, switch off your phone if you can. Anyway, why are you texting clients? One of my social work rules is to ban texting between social workers and clients. Context is cloudy and texts are kept forever.
Do they know it's Christmas?
Please remember the social workers and care workers who work over Christmas. One in seven of social workers will be working on Christmas day. Sometimes due to efficiency agendas they are often doing it for the good of mankind not their wallet. I recently asked a manager who wouldn’t get paid “double bubble” on Christmas day as usual due to cutbacks what she thought about it. She said she was annoyed, and her staff were annoyed. When I asked would they turn up to work some said: “Not for the workplace, but I will for the kids.” Now that’s commitment - that’s who should be on the New Year’s honours list.
Alasdair Kennedy is an interim social work manager and runs the popular Sociable Social Worker YouTube channel