Domestic abuse & older adults

When I was a student social worker in a hospital, I was talking to a carer who told me that if her husband came home, she would hurt him. As we talked more, she told me how over many years he had controlled her, and emotionally abused her.

I remember how startled I was. Back then, I had never really thought about domestic violence happening to older people and it wasn’t widely recognised. Over the last 20 years awareness and response has improved. But even now, we are hampered by ageism. Older people are less likely to report, professionals may not recognise the signs, and services may not be suitable.

The first contribution that social workers can make is to raise awareness and openly discuss that this happens.  

Domestic violence in older age is often complex due to longstanding relationships. How relationships have worked in the past affect the present, and relationship stories can play out over generations. When power in the relationship shifts or situations change, this can change the dynamic. Partners can swap roles, or children can repeat behaviours of their parents. As with the woman I worked with when I was a student, both parties can be at risk. Complexity is also added by the context of older people’s lives. Older people experience change and transition, inequalities deepen and widen across the life course, and age discrimination interacts with other areas of inequality.

Social workers can build relationships that allow people to talk about their history and to say what is happening to them. We can ask the questions and pay non-judgemental attention to people’s lives. Social workers are aware of the context. We are able to highlight the factors that impact on relationships and abuse. In this way we can help to find responses that have a better chance of making a difference.

All responses start with a relationship. When we are striving to understand someone’s experience and walk alongside them to change their life, we need their trust. Trust comes from knowing that we care and can be helpful. The main building blocks for trust I believe are empathy and expertise. When we are looking at domestic violence, a huge part of that expertise must be legal literacy and awareness of the provision that is out there.

I was lucky as a student, and as a practitioner, that I had a great supervisor. When we are working with these difficult situations, it makes all the difference to have good support and advice. SASW is running workshops on “The Social Work Role in Domestic Abuse”. This is an opportunity for peer support and reflective conversations. As we build our understanding and expertise, we can increasingly support older people who need us.